AIRING OF GRIEVANCES

NAVY LOST TO DUKE. I HAVE REACHED MY LIMIT FOR TOLERANCE AND PATIENCE. NOW IT’S TIME TO START CRACKING SKULLS.

THE YELLOW “N” AT MIDFIELD:

WHY CAN WE GET A GOLD N-STAR FOR A ONE-OFF GAME AT THE MEADOWLANDS BUT HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH A HIDEOUS LOOKING YELLOW N AT HOME? DO THEY GIVE DISCOUNTS FOR TACKY PAINT COLORS? IT’S NAVY BLUE AND GOLD, NOT NAVY BLUE AND THE COLOR OF THE MIDDLE STRIPE ON A TWO-LANE ROAD. AND WHY IS THERE NO STAR ON THE N ANYMORE? IF THE TV CAMERAS ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FIELD, JUST FLIP THE LOGO. GOLD SIDE FANS HAVE LIVED WITH AN UPSIDE DOWN N-STAR FOR 50 YEARS. IT’S TIME FOR THE BLUE-SIDE PANSIES TO SUCK IT UP. WHICH REMINDS ME…

MOVING THE TV CAMERAS TO THE GOLD SIDE: I’M NOT SURE WHAT’S WORSE: THE NUCLEAR GLARE THAT LEAPS OUT FROM THE FIELDTURF, OR THE FACT THAT THE CAMERAS AREN’T MOUNTED HIGH ENOUGH:

DID HE CATCH IT? IS IT A TOUCHDOWN? HELL IF I KNOW, BECAUSE MAGNUS HERE AND HIS GIANT BLOND SCANDINAVIAN GRAPE ARE BLOCKING THE VIEW.

THE ECONOMY: MY HOUSE IS NOW WORTH APPROXIMATELY ONE-FIFTH OF WHAT I PAID FOR IT. I AM DOOMED TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN THE GROUND ZERO OF MEDIOCRITY THAT IS JACKSONVILLE.

LA NOPALERA: WHAT KIND OF MEXICAN RESTAURANT NOT ONLY DOESN’T HAVE BOHEMIA AT THE BAR, BUT MAKES YOU SIT IN THAT BOHEMIA-LESS BAR FOR AN HOUR BEFORE THEY COME OUT AND TELL YOU THAT THEY’RE OUT OF CARNITAS? THE KIND WE HAVE IN JACKSONVILLE, THAT’S WHAT KIND.

THE CADET CHICK IN THE CBS COLLEGE SPORTS STUDIO SHOW: NO YOU DON’T GET CONGRATULATED FOR BEATING VMI YOU SNOTTY-ASS WOOP. YOU QUIETLY ACCEPT YOUR GIFT-WRAPPED WIN AND PRAY THAT YOU DON’T GET CHARGED WITH A WAR CRIME FOR SCHEDULING SUCH AN OVERMATCHED VICTIM.

MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR THAT HAS 9 BEAGLES: EVERY TIME I SO MUCH AS STEP ON A TWIG IN MY BACKYARD I AM REWARDED WITH A BARKING CACOPHANY FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE THAT IS UNRIVALED EXCEPT FOR MAYBE A KE$HA CONCERT. HOW ABOUT GETTING RID OF A DOG OR TWO, CRUELLA DEVILLE?

HALLOWEEN: SCORES OF GERM-CARRYING, PINT-SIZED JERKS RING MY DOORBELL ALL NIGHT TO MAKE MY DOGS FREAK OUT AND BEG FOR CANDY. NO I WON’T GIVE YOU A SECOND KIT-KAT YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT. JUST FOR ASKING I HOPE THE REST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS HANDING OUT ORANGE MARSHMALLOWS SHAPED LIKE PEANUTS. YOU ARE THE WORST “HOLIDAY” EVER.

CBS COLLEGE SPORTS CAMERAS: I HAVE A WIDE-SCREEN TV SO I CAN SEE MORE OF THE FIELD, NOT SO YOU CAN ZOOM IN SO CLOSE THAT I CAN CALL THE SNAP CADENCE MYSELF.

PROTIP: IF YOU’VE ZOOMED IN SO FAR THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE EVERYONE IN THE FORMATION, YOU’VE ZOOMED IN TOO DAMN FAR.

NOTRE DAME: YOUR INCREDIBLE INCOMPETENCE GAVE EVERYONE FALSE HOPE. THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

POINSETTIA BOWL: YOU ARE SCHEDULED ON DECEMBER 23RD. THAT MEANS THAT EVERYONE GOING HOME FROM THE GAME WILL HAVE TO LEAVE ON CHRISTMAS EVE. WELL THAT JACKS UP THE PRICE OF THE TRIP A BIT NOW DOESN’T IT. AND A SPECIAL SCREW YOU TO SOUTHWEST AIRLINES FOR GIVING ME FREE TICKETS THAT I CAN’T USE FOR THE ONE THING I ACTUALLY WANT TO TRAVEL TO BECAUSE YOU WON’T LET ME USE THEM ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

VINNY DEL NEGRO: YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO CAN STOP BLAKE GRIFFIN, AND YOU HAVE BEEN DOING SO WITH RUTHLESS EFFICIENCY. NOW CHOKE YOURSELF.

PEOPLE WHO CONSTANTLY CALL FOR THE BACKUP QUARTERBACK: GREAT IDEA, LOMBARDI. I’M SURE THAT’LL FIX THE DEFENSE. WHILE YOU’RE AT IT WHY DON’T YOU CHANGE THE OIL TO SEE IF THAT’LL GET RID OF THE SQUEALING NOISE COMING FROM YOUR BRAKES. DON’T YOU KNOW ANY OTHER POSITIONS? WHY DON’T YOU EVER WANT TO BENCH THE LEFT GUARD? HOW ABOUT THE LONG SNAPPER? YOU ARE NADIR OF HUMANITY. YOU ARE AN AFFRONT TO REASON. YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON AND I HATE YOU.

Postgame Haiku, Vol. 39

Navy lost to Duke.
Meditate on that a while.
Navy lost to Duke.

NAVY 35, NOTRE DAME 17

I’m not going to pretend that the Navy-Notre Dame game means as much to the Irish as it does to the Mids. Notre Dame is Navy’s Everest, the service academy’s annual shot at one of college football’s biggest programs. For a Notre Dame team that plays the likes of Michigan and USC every year, Navy is a nice tradition, but not really a game to get up for. This year, though, might have been an exception; if not for Notre Dame’s players, then at least for their coaches. Prior to 2007, Notre Dame had defeated Navy for a record 43 consecutive years. That came to an end when the Mids were finally able to pull out a 46-44 overtime victory. Two years later, Navy won again, 23-21. The losses to Navy became a symbol for Charlie Weis’ failures as Notre Dame’s head coach. Even the reviled Tyrone Willinghan, Bob Davie, and Gerry Faust never lost to Navy, but Weis lost to them twice. This year’s game, then, was important for the Notre Dame coaching staff as a way to show how things have changed. I don’t think too many people expected Notre Dame to start contending for national titles right away, but at least they wouldn’t lose to Navy anymore, right?

THERE IS NO WAY THIS MAN IS A DIVISION I DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR

Um, wow.

WELL THAT WON’T CONFUSE ANYONE

The EagleBank Bowl, briefly called the Congressional Bowl at first, has a new sponsor in Northrop Grumman. With a new sponsor comes a new name: The Military Bowl. A curious choice, considering that there is already an Armed Forces Bowl.

There’s so much going on in DC that there has to be a better name than “Military Bowl,” right?

CORWIN BROWN WOULD CALL IT UNIMAGINATIVE

So if a late hit on a stupid block makes Navy a dirty team and Ken Niumatalolo a dirty coach according various entities in the Notre Dame sphere of influence, then what would they say about a gut punch and cleat-stomp?

Just curious.

MUST BE NICE

If I turned in a piss-poor performance at work, it would be pretty sweet to have a PR army behind me making excuses on my behalf. Apparently that’s the role that the South Bend Tribune plays for the Notre Dame football team, as Al Lesar laments Navy and their dirty ol’ “chop blocks.”

It is absolutely inexcusable for a writer who comments on sports for a living to devote an entire piece on blocking that contains the line, “Call it a cut block, chop block, whatever.” If you aren’t going to bother to educate yourself on the difference, don’t bother writing the column. I’m a friggin’ part-time, accountable-to-nobody blogger, and even I have more of a sense of professionalism than that. A cut block is any block at or below the knees. A chop block is a 2-man combination high-low block. They are not the same, which is why people do differentiate between the two. Cut blocks in front of a defender are legal. Chop blocks are not. How is blocking someone at the legs is any different from tackling someone at the legs? Is that dirty? Does it get into people’s heads? Should we turn the game into Greco-Roman football? In fairness to Lesar, he doesn’t come out and say the word “dirty.” But the constant harping on cut blocking all week from Notre Dame writers, combined with the way the “cut” and “chop” terminology has been used interchangeably, certainly seem to indicate an agenda.

How is it that Navy didn’t have a single penalty called against them yesterday? How is it that Navy’s annual game against Air Force, another team that runs the option and uses those dirty blocks, doesn’t turn into a pile of leg-carnage every year? Why doesn’t stock in wheelchair and crutch companies go up after every Navy spring scrimmage? Because good coaches know how to teach their players to use their hands against cut blocking. Other coaches don’t want to waste time with that whole “teaching” thing and would rather complain to willing ears in the media.

Navy doesn’t cut block because their players are smaller. They go after smaller players because they cut block, which is an integral part of any option offense. The offense is designed to have ballcarriers hit the line of scrimmage as quickly as possible. That makes it essential to get defenders on the ground, and the best way to do that is by cut blocking. The linemen best suited for cutting are those who are quicker rather than bigger.

Of course, the option isn’t the only play that calls for getting defenders on the ground. If you run screen plays, you cut block. If you run slant patterns, you cut block. If you run a quarterback sneak, you cut block. Navy does it more than most, but the truth is that everyone cut blocks– including Notre Dame.

For 19 of the last 24 years, Navy has run option-heavy offenses that utilized cut blocks. Only now do we hear complaining out of South Bend. I think we all know why.

UPDATE

Lesar redeemed himself today:

A block is a block?

Navy offensive linemen, seriously undersized compared to just about every defensive line they face, use a tactic called a cut block to clear the way. One man goes low to take out a defender in a legal manner.

That’s much different than the term “chop block.” A chop block, illegal in college football, is when one man hits low, another hits the same defender high.

There’s a big difference between the two.

It was inaccurately mentioned in a Tribune story Sunday that the two terms were interchangeable.

Navy, not flagged for a single penalty Saturday, obviously was cutting and not chopping.

Mea culpa. Mea culpa.

So we’ll go ahead and take him off the list. Credit to Lesar for correcting himself. The case remains, though, that there is far too much hand-wringing over cut blocks.

THIS IS AWESOME

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=493681006419&set=a.156907946419.155561.141394756419&ref=nf

Postgame Haiku, Vol. 38

The Navy offense?
So unimaginative.
Miss you, Corwin Brown.

Postgame Haiku, Vol. 37

That was a great win.
SMU is a good team.
Fantastic comeback.